Thursday, August 7, 2008

MY PERFECT FAMILY





by Stephanie Kaplan Cohen


This time of year my house in Scarsdale has hot and cold running people, filling up my guest rooms, bar stools, lawn chairs and swimming pool. When I wrote the stories that make up In My Mother’s House, I viewed the family from a child’s point of view. As a child I was concerned for myself and how others related to me. As an adult I have the luxury and torment of observing how each relates to the other ones.

I wrote ‘My Perfect Family’ to capture the spirit of our family dinners, with me at the foot of the table and my husband at the head. When I gaze lovingly at the 16-member tribe we started, I am gratified and amused and anguished.

As a child at the family table, I noticed what was novel -- the ice cubes in the crystal glasses and the huge vase of lilies in the center of the table -- but as an adult, I notice the invisible dynamics of my family members. We are related, which makes us so alike and yet so different.

When I read this poem last month from the Westchester Review (http://www.westchesterreview.com/), a woman rushed up to me and insisted on buying my copy because she wanted to show this poem to her mother. You can see why:


MY PERFECT FAMILY

The world of my family
is the world. Some
don’t like the politics
of some. Some don’t
like the spouses of some.
Some don’t like some.

They gather at my table
and I, the ignorant
know-nothing mother,
grandmother, mother-in-law,
smile, and tell them all
how happy they make me
with their love and devotion
to each other.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

When I read your memoir 'In My Mother's House', I thought it was the most depressing picture of family life imaginable. Of course I couldn't put the book down and even though the Kaplan's didn't always love one another, i loved every one of them. I went to your website because I am still fascinated by the Kaplan family. It was a real shot in the arm to see you all gathered around the dinner table, together again.

- Marty from Manhattan

Cora said...

In many ways "In My Mother's House" is unique; in many ways it resonates in our own childhood memories. Riding on the tails of Ms. Kaplan-Cohen's memories took me on her journey as well as my own. Thank you for the delightful read. I look forward to more...
Cora Schwartz
author of GYPSY TEARS, Loving a Holocuast Survivor (Hobblebush Books)

Anonymous said...

What a wonderful read. While it was difficult at times (the family clearly experienced a great amount of pain), it was such an important journey for the author and the family itself. Will be reading it again. Highly recommended.
-Jenny in NYC

Anonymous said...

I loved this book. Ms. Kaplan Cohen has an amazing ability to write in the voice of a child as well as in the voice of her maturing self. The author has a deep and nuanced understanding of the pain and joy of family life. The book reveals elemental truths about our relationships, which deeply resonated with me. Highly recommended.

Stephanie Kaplan Cohen said...

I was reluctant to start a blog because it seemed conceited, but when I see the comments of readers across the country, I realize it's worth the effort. As Tolstoy says, 'Happy families are all alike, but every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.'

My family, despite the tensions that were so fully expressed, was basically a happy one. I still miss my parents and my sisters. When I hear from Cora and CJ that the book resonates with them, I feel i have done a good job as a writer.

Anonymous said...

I loved "In My Mother's House." I could feel myself in the settings and see your world through your child's eyes. Then I read the story about the dish smashing episode in your blog and that became as real to me as your book.
Your writing is beautiful.
Have a wonderful dqy,
Carren Strock

Linda Leedy Schneider said...

In My Mother's House is a heartwarming, rich and beautifully written memoir that will enchant adult and young adult readers. Stephanie Cohen is a gifted writer and poet who teaches the reader much through her authentic and brave reminiscences about such varied experiences as sticking a hairpin in an electric outlet with her Mother's approval and a dish breaking catharsis she entered into with her Mother. Read "Dinner with Nancy Drew" on Stephanie's blog and you will be compelled to buy the book for yourself, your children and your grandchildren. In my Mother's House is a wise, humorous book that will have you laughing and crying.

Linda Leedy Schneider
Psychotherapist and Author
"Through My Window: Poetry of a Psychotherapist"